….of Love and Colors

Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes

As I unpack into my new home, I feel the daunting task of rebuilding, redecorating, getting caught up with work, and generally finding my footing again in life. I have never experienced such a bizarre balance of sadness and anger along with happiness and freedom. It’s very disorienting and I am curious as to what the next few months will bring after so many changes are being made.

Sometimes the pessimistic bug bites, and bites hard, and you gotta get it out of your system. In times like this, it is a relief to have reminders from artists, music, other people, and life, in general, that everything will be okay… it is always okay in the end. Right now my mood is a bit off, because of the changes in my life along with the very disturbing atrocities happening in the world around us.

I know that I will be okay, and that PEOPLE will eventually get it right, but until then, I need to vent occasionally.

Sometimes we just fuck up…


All us fucked-up people
What are we gonna do with ourselves
And our addictions
And our desire to kill each other
And special things
your own dreams?

All us fucked-up people
Can’t we see behind the pain of losing?

I had a dream of love and colors,
And all the while it seemed real,
And in this dream, we were unique.
Couldn’t it be?

I wasn’t cryin’ before he died,
He died so young
And I can’t see you anymore,
‘Cause there’s no answers here,
There’s no feeling.

All us fucked-up people,
Can’t we see beyond the pain of losing one another?

I had this dream of trust and beauty,
And all the while, it seemed real,
And in this dream, we were not fighting.
Couldn’t it be?

You gave it up,
You lost your reason.
You never saw you are unique.
You spread your wings and cut ’em off.
You’re only hurting.

All our fucked-up smiles
We quit dreaming long ago
And our distrust and our addictions
And our desire to kill each other
makes all the sense in the world

You just fucked up for a moment
You’re only hurting
That’s just like me
That’s just like me
That’s just like me

I had this dream of love and colors

Republican Repulsion

Reading time: 7 – 11 minutes

I got my MoveOn alert this morning in my email and, yet again, the Repulsive Republican in the White House is making an asinine, self-serving decision. I am not inclined toward any particular Party, but I am definitely, consistently repulsed by the delusional mentality of the average Republican. I’m sure there must be SOME Republicans out there who actually THINK and FEEL beyond their Wallets and Self-Preservation?

Hello? <<<<HELLO>>> (huge echo)

Well, there must be SOME Republicans who don’t want such extremes, so I am in great hopes for a balance to come among the Parties.

Anyway, here is our letter from MoveOn. Read and follow through…

I know these kinds of things may seem very ineffective, but I just don’t know what else to do to help contribute to a more inclusive world, but to make my voice/vote known.

Sighhhh… not that it makes that much difference when you have a political party in power who are freely and openly stealing oil, land, rights, and elections.


In the past weeks, Republicans and Democrats have called on President Bush to nominate a moderate for the Supreme Court—someone who would honor the legacy of independent Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. But last night, President Bush nominated Judge John Roberts, a far-right lawyer and corporate lobbyist, to fill her post on the Supreme Court.

We’ve got to stop Roberts. He opposed clean air rules and worked to help coal companies strip-mine mountaintops. He worked with Ken Starr (yes, that Ken Starr), and tried to keep Congress from defending the Voting Rights Act. He wrote that Roe v. Wade should be “overruled,” and as a lawyer argued (and won) the case that stopped some doctors from even discussing abortion.

Join our urgent petition to let our senators know we expect them to oppose John Roberts right now at:

This is one of the most important domestic fights of President Bush’s career. We can win—Americans overwhelmingly want a moderate judge. But to win, we need to get the word out early that Roberts is out of the mainstream.

After you’ve signed, please send this message on to your friends and colleagues. We need to fight back against the misinformation that the Bush administration is putting out.

John Roberts has little experience as a judge—he was only appointed in 2003. But he’s got a lot of experience as a corporate lobbyist and lawyer, consistently favoring wealthy corporations over regular Americans.

Here’s a list of some of the things that make Roberts the wrong pick for the Supreme Court:

Wrong on environmental protection:
Roberts wants to limit the scope of the Endangered Species Act, and in papers he wrote while in law school he supported far-right legal theories about “takings” which would make it almost impossible for the government to enforce most environmental legislation.

Wrong on civil rights:
Roberts worked to keep Congress from defending parts of the Voting Rights Act.

Wrong on human rights:
As a appeals court judge, Roberts ruled that the Geneva Convention doesn’t apply to some prisoners of war.

Wrong on our right to religious freedom:
Roberts argued that schools should be able to impose religious speech on attendees.

Wrong on women’s rights:
Roberts wrote that “Roe v. Wade was wrongly decided and should be overruled.” He also weighed in on behalf of Operation Rescue, a violent anti-abortion group, in a federal case.

President Bush could have chosen many fair-minded and independent jurists to replace Sandra Day O’Connor. Instead, he chose a corporate partisan loved by Bush’s right-wing base but out of step with the rest of the country.

Tell your senators they need to stop John Roberts now, at:

We’ll be in touch soon about next steps. For now, please help us gather as many voices as possible to keep the Supreme Court fair. And thanks for everything you’re doing.


–Ben, Tanya, Justin, Jennifer and the MoveOn.org Political Action Team Wednesday, July 20th, 2005


In addition, I received this from the wonderful AirAmerica Radio:

Dear Air America Radio listeners,

Here’s how it used to work whenever the Bush Administration found itself in a bad spot: the media would start reporting the scandal; Democrats and reasonable Republicans would call for justice to be done; and then the White House would simply change the channel. Right Wing talk radio and television have always been the key. The White House knew its talking points would be faithfully delivered to tens of millions of homes, cars, workplaces every day, while the original scandal was never to be spoken of again.

The White House tried to change the channel again last night with its rushed nomination of John Roberts for the Supreme Court. Now America is supposed to forget that a traitor is operating freely in the White House – a traitor who just happens to be the President’s closest aide and advisor, Karl Rove.

But here’s what’s different now: Air America Radio is on the job.

Yes, in the weeks ahead our hosts will tell you everything you need to know about the battle for the Supreme Court, as well as the other pressing issues that face this country and that you care so deeply about. But we’re not going to forget Karlgate (or “Traitorgate” as our Randi Rhodes calls it) until Karl Rove is out of the White House and the President has been held to account.

Here are highlights of how our hosts have been keeping up the pressure on the White House by framing the issue and keeping millions of listeners informed. You can expect much more of this in the weeks to come:

The Rachel Maddow Show – “Rove’s response about Joe Wilson, ‘Because he’s a Democrat’…”
Morning Sedition – “This is about calling the Neocon Death Cult out on a lie.”
The Al Franken Show – “There’s perjury, too – that’s also a crime…”
The Randi Rhodes Show – “The President cannot fire Karl Rove…that would be like Pinocchio would fire Geppetto…”
The Majority Report – “It’s very easy to get caught up in how nefarious the Bush Administration is…”

Now that the White House is trying to change the channel, we need you now more than ever to help us keep the pressure on the White House to fire Karl Rove, even while we join the fight over the Supreme Court.

Sign our petition, and please ask all of your friends to join in as well: http://airamericaradio.com/rove/

Why is it so important to keep up the pressure over Karlgate? Because this is not just about the blind partisanship and arrogance that caused this Administration to seek revenge on Joe Wilson for blowing the whistle on its bogus reasons for going to war. It’s about a justification made of lies for a war that has cost thousands of precious lives. It’s about the utter destruction of our standing in the international community, soaring budget deficits, the diversion of funds to pay for the war, and the loss of our civil and human rights.

Looking carefully at the politics of the last 15 to 20 years, it’s clear that the power of Right Wing talk radio was a driving force that allowed this extremist government to come to power and cause this mess. Now Air America Radio is talking back – and with your help, we’ll keep up the drumbeat until justice is done.

Thank you, Air America Radio

Dream Life: IT’S BAAAAaaack!

Reading time: 3 – 4 minutes

It’s happening again…

Dreamt I was inside one of the “dream lives” again! I haven’t experienced this in about 3 years?

It’s always the same:

I “wake up” in some very familiar house, realizing I shouldn’t be there, but for some reason that “me” also knows I am “from” there. It’s as if my consciousness from my present life inhabits a parallel version of me. I wake up in awe, walking quietly, slowly through the house, looking out the windows, looking in drawers, listening to sounds… I am at once in amazement and totally scared out my mind with disorientation.

I have, I think, 3 other “lives” in which I wake up like that. It’s a very strange experience! I awakened in these seemingly parallel versions of myself, but not like a weird dream or bizarre symbolic exploration… I literally feel, think, see, and KNOW I am in a different version of my body and my life at the time. I swear: I can’t begin to explain how realistic and lucid it is. And the interesting thing is that when I awaken “there,” I am aged proportionally and I am suddenly caught up on several new memories that have happened since my last “visit.”

In several of these episodes when I have awakened “there,” I am in the middle of a public gathering, such as a party or hosting guests! The friends are around me as I nod awake, helping me to my feet, getting me to a seat, as if I had passed out. I am SO disoriented because everyone is recognizable to me, but at the same time I don’t know them and some are comforting me, some are laughing with relief.

Since this is an experience I have had from a very young age, at one point during my last run with these episodes, I tried to vocalize to my friends “there” what was happening. I kept trying to tell them “I” was not “from there” and that I only had a few seconds to talk. Of course, their reactions were always that I was clearly delirious and nervous laughter would be around me as I was comforted.

I learned quickly not to ask questions, but to listen. As long as I didn’t ask any crazy questions, everyone around me would talk like normal and I would hear more details. By listening, I learned that one version of me is a Toy Designer and another version runs a Metaphysical Center of some sort. The one who runs the Metaphysical Center must be the one who does these metaphysical experiments that displace “us” because I know at one point, when I had “awakened there,” someone helping me up said, “It worked! I think it worked!” He then noticed “I” wasn’t “me” and he said, “Oh my god…” just as I slipped back into “my world.”

Okay, so all of that sounds absolutely crazy, but it’s a very real, progressive dream that I have! I don’t treat it as if it is “real,” but I do treat it with great curiosity and find the experience to be beyond fascinating!

I wonder if there are others who have these intensely lucid dreams.

Another interesting thing is that since I was a kid, I have had random moments of passing out for no discernable reason. They almost always parallel these dreams!

Finding Funny

Reading time: 1 – 2 minutes

I don’t usually enjoy forwarded emails, jokes, urban legends, etc. but this news was hilarious:

The U.S. Postal Service has created a stamp with a picture of George W. Bush to honor his first-term achievements.

In daily use, it has been shown that the stamp is not sticking to envelopes. This has enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.

After a month of testing, a special presidential commission has made the following findings:

1. The stamp is in perfect order.
2. There is nothing wrong with the applied adhesive.
3. People are spitting on the wrong side.

(Thanks, sandy! I needed a chuckle!)

Inner and Outer Landscapes

Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes

Just woke up from an awful dream that Carlos was breaking up with me. He informed me that he had met some girl at a wedding shower, or something to do with a wedding, and in meeting her, thought to himself, “Now this is how I want to feel.” He told me this just before getting out the little car we were driving, so he could walk a dog that was with us. While he walked the dog, I went in to the apartment of our friend (who happened to be a very pregnant Jennifer), and she hesitantly informed me that she knew he was planning to break up with me for a while. I was SO ANGRY that I woke up as I stormed out the apartment and went out to confront Carlos!

Other parts of the dream that I remember are the song by Alison Moyet called, “Don’t Steal Me Blind.” I also remember seeing lit up and flashing, like neon, the phrase “Swiss Invasion.”

Oh, and I just remember that Carlos’s newly-adopted cat, Raven, ran out the door and into speeding traffic, being immediately hit by a car. It was AWFUL! As I stood in shock, my own dog, Spyder, came smugly prancing out from behind me and out into the same street, but she got blocked by a parked car and I was able to catch her by her tail. I was so upset with her! And then from down the street, Raven came leaping quickly home! She was injured, but not so much that she couldn’t come home.

I’m sure I am having these anxiety dreams because:
1. I am getting all of these creepy hate mail and hate posts
2. I am in the middle of a rather sudden and uprooting move
3. Carlos and I came very close to breaking up within the last couple of days
4. When I move, our friend Johnny is moving in with us as he settles back into New York
5. I am behind on my channeling work
6. I have to start packing today
7. other things I can’t think of right now, but I know are there

Those things contribute to my anxiety, I am sure.

But then, there are so many good things, too, so maybe it will balance out:
1. The creepy hate mailers have emailed me to apologize and try to re-befriend me
2. We found an amazing apartment in which to move
3. Carlos and I DID NOT break up
4. There is PLENTY of room for Johnny and his dog and his cat and his stuff in the new apartment
5. I am catching up on my work rather quickly
6. Carlos and Nick have offered to help pack
7. If I can’t think of other anxieties, maybe I should not consider them anxieties?