Inner and Outer Landscapes

Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes

Just woke up from an awful dream that Carlos was breaking up with me. He informed me that he had met some girl at a wedding shower, or something to do with a wedding, and in meeting her, thought to himself, “Now this is how I want to feel.” He told me this just before getting out the little car we were driving, so he could walk a dog that was with us. While he walked the dog, I went in to the apartment of our friend (who happened to be a very pregnant Jennifer), and she hesitantly informed me that she knew he was planning to break up with me for a while. I was SO ANGRY that I woke up as I stormed out the apartment and went out to confront Carlos!

Other parts of the dream that I remember are the song by Alison Moyet called, “Don’t Steal Me Blind.” I also remember seeing lit up and flashing, like neon, the phrase “Swiss Invasion.”

Oh, and I just remember that Carlos’s newly-adopted cat, Raven, ran out the door and into speeding traffic, being immediately hit by a car. It was AWFUL! As I stood in shock, my own dog, Spyder, came smugly prancing out from behind me and out into the same street, but she got blocked by a parked car and I was able to catch her by her tail. I was so upset with her! And then from down the street, Raven came leaping quickly home! She was injured, but not so much that she couldn’t come home.

I’m sure I am having these anxiety dreams because:
1. I am getting all of these creepy hate mail and hate posts
2. I am in the middle of a rather sudden and uprooting move
3. Carlos and I came very close to breaking up within the last couple of days
4. When I move, our friend Johnny is moving in with us as he settles back into New York
5. I am behind on my channeling work
6. I have to start packing today
7. other things I can’t think of right now, but I know are there

Those things contribute to my anxiety, I am sure.

But then, there are so many good things, too, so maybe it will balance out:
1. The creepy hate mailers have emailed me to apologize and try to re-befriend me
2. We found an amazing apartment in which to move
3. Carlos and I DID NOT break up
4. There is PLENTY of room for Johnny and his dog and his cat and his stuff in the new apartment
5. I am catching up on my work rather quickly
6. Carlos and Nick have offered to help pack
7. If I can’t think of other anxieties, maybe I should not consider them anxieties?


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