Welcome Home, You Died

Reading time: 4 – 6 minutes

God, my day started out with a HORRIFIC dream! I dreamt that my all-time, most-influential, most-adored, long-time hero, mythically inspiring icon, ELIZABETH FRASER… DIED!!! Not only had she died, but it was a terrible, mutilating accident. She had been on a hiking trip and was climbing up some very steep terrain, slipped, and fell, bashing and crashing down the jagged wall of rocks! Oh my god; it was AWFUL! Why do I dream these things!??

my muse

I also dreamt that Nick went on is first date with someone. When I spoke to him today, it was confirmed: his first date since we broke up is with someone today. I don’t know why this wrenches out my entire stomach and heart. I guess it’s never easy to get over having devoted four years of your life and energy into the trust and patience required for a relationship that ultimately was never there, and then to actually WATCH the process of your being replaced…. it makes me feel so sick inside, even though it shouldn’t.

I know I will evolve past this, and it makes NO SENSE, considering I am with Carlos and we love each other so well, and so much. This is like apples and oranges to me, though. I am happy and in love, but it still remains true that I was dumped. Simple as that… and it SUCKS ASS enough that I was dumped against my will, but to WATCH the replacement process?

I just don’t think I can do it. In fact, I won’t. I just… don’t WANT to, you know?

Anyway, speaking of Carlos, my dear heart… We are quickly approaching our 7-Month-iversary! It seems like we have been together forever, yet at the same time, it always feels like we just met (in a good way). Recently, he treated me to a DURAN DURAN concert!


I would never have thought to pay to go see them, so this was a real treat! It was SO FUN! I couldn’t believe how incredible they sounded after all of these years. I love when a band stands strong against Time. The arena in which we saw the concert was MASSIVE, but entirely outdoors, except for a huge, flying saucer-like roof. Humongous video screens were within view of any position. Overall, this venue was one of my favorites I have ever experienced. I wish Bjork would perform there! The venue is called PNC Bank Arts Center, or something like that, and it’s in New Jersey. Who knew??!

Previous to seeing Duran Duran, I had gone to IRVING PLAZA to see ESTHERO! Now that was a tedious night, full of obnoxious people and a terribly long line of opening acts before getting to Esthero. Thank god she was adorable, sang really well, and performed with such energy and fun! She was WONDERFUL!

ESTHERO @ Irving Plaza
July 2005

Home is starting to come together, albeit VERY slowly (for me). I can’t wait to PAINT and rebuild some of these rooms here. For now, here are some BEFORE images… one day soon there will be some AFTER pictures! YAY! The images below are just the main room. To take pictures of any other room would be pointless right now.

Soon… very soon… more color, more pix!

Other big news is that Johnny, my ex-become-another-best-friend, is on his way here from AZ. He’s definitely moving in and will be here with his lovely animal companion, LULU. Sadly, Noa, a cat that we had rescued and has been with Johnny for about 10 years, just recently died out of nowhere. This was very sad news because I hadn’t seen Noey (nick name) for so long; I was really looking forward to squeezin’ all over him.

The WHOLESOULS course is moving along fairly well, even with a few speed bumps, such as my giant-ass move right in the middle of everything.

AND… drumroll… I am in the process of exploring a very unique method of publishing my first book! More details to come! YAY!

Leave a Reply