New Beginnings & Balding Bye-Bye’s

Reading time: 4 – 6 minutes

I hate going to bed with a nasty post in my blog, so I will breathe in and out and away the accidental waste of time I now call X and move on… his last communication with me was so heartless and revealing to me… he had reduced himself to calling me seriously hurtful names that showcased his lack of consciousness and ability to process the reality of his emotional experiences. Although his threats and punishments left me feeling defensive and angry (it always cuts you right across the lungs when someone goes right for your heart with the steely-cold knife of his hostility), it also left me feeling sad FOR him. Living behind a charming and tireless, yet insincere courteous streak, while maintaining your clown-like performance of a perma-grin as your only saving identity, and secretly building resentment toward even the closest and most loving of souls around you, must be a horrible experience.

But what can I do…

Go play, is what I say! Fuck it.

Last night, I went out by myself to see THE HAZZARDS perform at North Six, here in my new neighborhood of Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I love this area so much. I’m not USED to it, yet, and I sometimes drop in my enthusiasm about it, but I really love it. I’m intimidated by the gorgeousness of the boys and girls and the fucking ultra “hipness” of it all, but still, I am a very social fella so it’s not hard for me to fit in, even if I am about as “hip” as a hip replacement.

So I arrived just in time for THE HAZZARDS, formerly known as THE UKES OF HAZZARD, a two-girl ukelele band performing super adorable and hilarious anti-folk songs, such as the hyper-cult classic, MY GAY BOYFRIEND.

LOVE those gals!

However, the previous show was not nearly finished and I had the disorienting pleasure of watching the last quarter of THE MICHAEL JACKSON SHADOW PUPPET SHOW.


Casting shadows through stencils, the narrated full-length audio version of E.T. was being played with the “puppets” telling their story across the lighted sheet in the darkened theater. It was oddly heartwarming and hilarious. Heartwarming because it was E.T. and so many of us 80’s kids remember it fondly, but it was hilarious in its presentation… Particularly funny was when E.T.’s ship came back for him and hovered above the treeline… it was an APPLE COMPUTER LAPTOP! LOL!

The Hazzards then performed to a laughing and silly audience, as usual, and my mood was really lifted.

“TEMP, just a TEMMMP…”

I NEVER miss the opportunity to see the people in my life who make me laugh; especially in a time of such sadness and loss as I feel recently.

Speaking of, I am going to see HEDDA LETTUCE next week! God, I have missed her!!!!!

After The Hazzards, I was so ready to go home and sleep and be done with the day, but JOHNNY, my LONG-ago-Ex-Become-Best-Friend-Now-reunited-
Roommate-and-True-Family called from the road to say that he was almost to NYC. He had been driving across country for nearly a week and he did not want to stop. Part of his not wanting to stop meant my meeting him at a strategic location with Manhattan so I could drive him the rest of the way home. His call had come at approximately 10:00pm…

I ended up meeting him at around 3:00am (got home about 3:45).

What did I do the entire time I waited? Did I go home? No,… after hanging out with some cool boys and girls for a while, I didn’t want to go home and get all cozy, knowing I had to run out into the night again, so I wandered… and wandered… and wandered…. many, many streets of Manhattan… by the time we met up, I was SO tired and my feet were fire-hot from walking for so many hours! And the humidity is so disgusting again that I was barely functioning by the time he arrived! Well, I exaggerate, but I was a bit loopy.

So now Johnny is here. My family is together again. A family that was built from lots of years, tears, experience, pain, pleasure, and just… LIFE. But the main ingredient behind my family is the absolute commitment and absolute embrace… Love, I suppose.

Now my home consists of 3 dogs and 3 humans; ALL family.

If only Nick would break down and join… it’d be perfect.

For now, he just enjoys the fruits from afar… NO PUN INTENDED!

4 thoughts on “New Beginnings & Balding Bye-Bye’s”

  1. Wow…X sounds like a sociopath! And I mean the real kind, not the funny name-calling kind. You can read a profile here:

    I also read a book that came out recently called “The Sociopath Next Door” which was so revealing.

    It all comes down to one thing that sociopaths lack which most of us have: A CONSCIENCE.

    Consider yourself blessed that you have one.

  2. Jane, I wouldn’t go so far as to say he is a sociopath, because X really is a good person, but then again, how would I know one way or the other. The boy I dated and loved and held and to whom I was deeply, lovingly committed was a VERY different person than the cold-hearted, dismissive, mean-spirited, punishing irresponsible bastard who dumped me. I had NEVER met that version of him before that chilly night online. In truth, I still haven’t met that version of him, since he shut down all communication with me immediately.

    And as of today, he has shut off my phone service… the cell phone he gave me. Took it all away.

    Meanwhile, he’s keeping and not making any attempt to return ANY of my property that was stolen from me. I say “stolen” because it’s one thing to allow a boyfriend to borrow things or playfully take things that are not his own, and quite another for X to then dump me and keep everything.

    So, “Sociopath?” I don’t know.



  3. People love each other. For the thrill, for the emotion, for themselves, they love *you*. Long term relationships, psychologically formed with the aid of phenylethylamine and oxytocin. You are dishonest, self centered, egotistical, fucked-up, messed-up, violent, pseudo-violent, stupid, mundane, boring, crap, shit, messy, untidy, illogical, bigoted, sexually repressed, sexually stressed whiney, and just as shit to them as they are to you. Enjoy.

Leave a Reply