Weave Me Alone!

Reading time: 2 – 3 minutes

I had to write about this…

On the way home from lunch with my freakin’ amazing boyfriend, Clem, I saw something hilarious:

I was riding the J Train, which goes above ground in Brooklyn, and so a lot of people are on their phones, talking or texting. Well, this lovely young-ish woman with a lovely weave was standing with her back to the doors, texting. The train stopped, but she refused to step out of the way; instead, just glancing over her shoulder and making the new passenger boarding have to step around her. She smugly went back to her texting, concentrating on her ghetto-y phone with too many features.

The doors closed behind her.

ON HER WEAVE!

She had pulled her weave back really tight in the front, but had the back wound up in a kind of handle, like a pan handle, so it was sticking out beyond the hood of her coat. The doors closed on her weave, but didn’t open again, as they should have! She didn’t even realize it, at first, until she went to turn her head. I know other people saw it, but no one reacted because it was kinda hilarious and she was not in danger. She couldn’t move her head down, or to the left or right, and all she did was hold very still and just stare with darting bug-eyes, as if she was trying to act like it had not happened. She even tried to text again, but apparently couldn’t concentrate with her new weave leash.

I don’t know why it was so funny to see this bitchy, rude girl harnessed by the back of her weave to the very door she refused to move away from for others…

At the next stop, I had to bury my face in my arm to stifle laughing, because the man who stepped up to the doors from the platform was kind of just waiting for the doors to open and then he pulled his neck back and made an “ohhhh…” face as he realized some hair was stickin’ out of the door at him!

The woman darted from the doors as they opened, reaching back and feeling her weave handle, muttering hateful sounds, and then returned to her texting…

…from a seat, this time.

7 thoughts on “Weave Me Alone!”

  1. I love that! I just wish that, for the next few stops, the doors on the OTHER side of the train were the ones to open & close. It would have been great if she had to stand in that jail for a while – maybe even miss her stop. The dumb-ass bitch.

    -Nick

  2. Hilarious. She must be on the “Instant Karmic Retribution” plan. Be rude on the subway, get it back immediately.

  3. that story and your accounting of it are HILARIOUS! that piece belongs on salon.com or somewhere similar. it should live on forever. :-)

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