Only Once, and Now I Know Why

Reading time: 4 – 6 minutes

When this movie was first released, I had no idea what I was in for:

Dancer in the Dark, starring BJORK and CATHERINE DENUEVE seemed to promise to be a WONDERFUL experience! A MUSICAL???!!! Starring BJORK!!??

And then…

I saw it.

There has never been another movie that I know of that matches the horror and devastation created by the unfolding of this movie.

Let me just try to capture the experience here: Along with our wishes and dreams, everyone shares the same layer of thin ice upon which we walk, hoping desperately to fulfill at least a few of those dreams before falling through, if any are fulfilled at all. This movie lets you fall through; it knocks you down through the ice, mercilessly. It doesn’t just let you fall through; it removes the color from all of the effort you’ve ever made in your life before that moment. It flattens every wish, dream and moves us into a place of dangerous pointlessness inside that we know is there, but cannot ever EVER touch. And this movie not only makes you touch that space, it smothers you in it, drowning you below the icy surface through which you just fell, and as you sink, you can still see people above, walking, ever so gently, but desperately blind, and you know they will join you soon enough.

It’s kinda like that.

So… I saw that movie. And, actually, I LOVED it.

A genius, dark, dangerous exploration that is absolutely cruel in its contrast between the inner, beautiful dance numbers and musicals through which Selma/Bjork interprets her mundane life, and the terrifying momentum that is locked into motion upon this symbol of purity and innocence… To me, for a movie to take you that far into such taboo territory and unapologetically leave you there, is an art that may not be pleasant, but it is art, nonetheless. And to somehow survive this movie means something… SOMETHING.

Besides various personal experiences in my own life, watching this movie was one of the most painful things I have ever endured and recovered from.

I saw this movie… ONCE. In the theater. Years ago. And I remember everyone around me was broken, devastated, and some could barely walk. I couldn’t speak clearly for hours. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for months, years. I never thought I could watch it again in my life, even though I really really wanted to try so I could rise above the experience and see the movie differently, objectively.

So… I just tried to watch it again. Tonight. Alone.

A HUGE, lovely mistake. I can barely see to type. My face is swollen with that horrible grimace from crying so hard. Amazing. The effect from this movie is just… amazing. I’m in awe.

I highly recommend this movie to everyone. LOL! But please, not if you are unstable or alone, for god’s sake.

Have you seen it? How many times?

Oh my god… the scene where she sings “These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things” in the silence… utterly devastating. DEVASTATING!

And for those brave few who are in the know from watching DANCER IN THE DARK, I leave you with this:

They say it’s the last song
They don’t know us, you see
It’s only the last song
If we let it be
– the missing end of Selma’s song, just before… well, you know.

Great. I’m bawling again.

I can’t wait until I am brave enough to watch this AGAIN! LOL!

Need I Say More

Reading time: 2 – 3 minutes

On the heels of my “ARE YOU A SHEEP, TOO?” entry, I see this has been released at THE SMOKING GUN:

Case Against JonBenet Suspect Collapses
Prosecutors had nothing to go on except Karr’s bizarre claims

AUGUST 28–Colorado investigators today provided the first insight into what led them to arrest John Mark Karr for the murder of JonBenet Ramsey. In a motion to quash Karr’s arrest warrant, the Boulder County district attorney this afternoon revealed that they had little more than Karr’s bizarre claims–contained in e-mails, phone calls, and a 153-page manuscript delivered to a University of Colorado journalism professor–to support their belief that he murdered the six-year-old beauty queen in December 1996. The prosecution’s motion, a copy of which you can find below, provides a detailed account of the Karr probe, which collapsed today shortly after test results showed that Karr’s DNA did not match samples taken from the crime scene. Until April, Karr’s lengthy (and anonymous) correspondence with Professor Michael Tracey only reflected his “intense interest” in the Ramsey case, the D.A.’s motion notes. After that point, though, Karr began to claim “more personal knowledge” about the child’s slaying and eventually “admitted personal responsibility for the death.” Using the pseudonym “Daxis,” Karr even forwarded Tracey a manuscript that described his “fascination with the sexuality with young girls, and his involvement with the death of JonBenet Ramsey.”


It amazes me that so many people had already condemned this man, based only on speculative fiction propogated by the media hype. Several blogs even wrote about how disappointed they were that the parents were off the hook and the exciting, strange mystery had finally been solved.

How can people be so conclusive. Even with the most damning of evidence, my mind would still remain in a state of “hmmm….” It’s just not that easy for me to shift into, “well, that’s what the TV says!”

I walk a very fine line between the world of Conspiracy Theorists and Sheep, but that fine line is wide enough for me to walk freely, keep asking questions in the face of what I am told is true, and to think for myself.

I wish more people walked along that line.

Are you a Sheep, too?

Reading time: 7 – 11 minutes

JOHN KARR in Custody

I have so much more to write about than this, but it has been eating at me for days…

One of the most annoying things about people is the inclination to be SHEEP.

Some people think people are inherently evil; some people think people are inherently good; but I think people are inherently SHEEP, neither good nor bad, but just MORE LIKELY to think the way The Church tells them to think; to think the way TV tells them to think; to think the way an Authority tells them to think; to think the way The Family tells them to think; to think the way The News tells them to think; to think the way Fashion tells them to think; to think the way White-washed History tells them to think…

Why do I see this? Because I have eyeballs. I see it everyday, all around me, and it PERMEATES the arena of politics, philosophy, religion, charity, medicine, and media. It fascinates me and disgusts me to the point of feeling absolutely alien among most people.

For instance: the recent bombardment from the media about JONBONET RAMSEY’s arrested suspect! What the fuck!! (You KNOW there must be something terrifying going on in the world to the extent that we are being drowned in WEAK, speculative suspicion against a case that is 10 years old.) But here’s what freaks me out: people are responding to this media bombardment as if the guy actually committed the crime! No, people, there is NOTHING to substantiate him as a suspect, let alone as the actual killer, but people and the media are writhing all over this thing like a dog writhes in shit. I’m not saying he DIDN’T kill JonBonet, and I am not saying that he’s innocent or mentally stable, but at this point, he is a SUSPECT, NOT a Convicted Criminal. The media has made such a big deal about the meals he has been served, the smiles on his face, the blankness on his face, the comfort of his travels… SO WHAT!! He’s NOT a convicted killer; he is a (loony) SUSPECT who has become entangled in the desperate need to convict SOMEONE… ANYONE. So far, the man has been extremely accommodating, open, and the intense investigation has led to NOTHING tying him to the murder in any way (so far, at least), but people are talking about him as if he is the conclusion to the mystery and that he is a killer. People can “just see” that he is an “evil man.” Please. You are seeing what you are told to see. THINK, people. Think a bit beyond your knee-jerk reaction to the influences of media and popular assumption. Just… THINK, for god’s sake. The man may or may not be guilty, and he may or may not be a pervert, but that’s not my point… it’s the way we THINK about this kind of information as it is fed to us. We need to learn to chew and digest before we speak with our mouths full of bullshit.

Why is this such an important issue for me?

Because THIS kind of Sheepish, thoughtless, herd-mentality kind of response to life is a BIG reason for HOW and WHY we are in IRAQ; how and why 9/11 happened; Slavery happened; why and how animals suffer unconscionable torture on a daily basis for the conveniences you take for granted; why Gay people do not have equal rights to Straight people; why and how the Chinese government can harvest live organs from live people; why and how a large portion of Christians, Muslims, and other fanatic cults can justify the imposition of horrors upon other people; why the military can illegally torture prisoners for fun… the list can go on.

It’s not enough to be a passenger in this life. i’m sorry… it’s not enough. Fucking do something. Pick something and DO something about it. Educate yourselves. CARE.

Don’t let the world tell you who is a criminal and who is a saint. Either KNOW, or DON’T KNOW, but don’t act like you know what the truth is, when all you did was just fell prey to your inclination to blindly follow the popular assumptions. You know what I am talking about… so don’t be insulted. We’ve all been there, but this is a reminder to just… THINK.

This is YOUR life. This is OUR world.

We fucking need to stop hoping someone else will fix it. We need to stop passively assuming that those in authority know what the hell is best for us, or that those in authority know what the hell they are doing in the first place.

Talk to me… tell me when you last assumed something was true and then was shocked at how gullible you were, how naive, or how influenced you were by the popular assumption.

George admits we are not in IRAQ as a result of 9/11. Ummm, DUH!

Check out this flawed line of logic from George that leaves the average Sheep believing that we are at war with Iraq BECAUSE of 9/11, Weapons of Mass Destruction, and “Al Qeada,” which is a phrase that AMERICAN MEDIA made up and does not exist as an actual structure of terrorists.


QUESTION: “A quick follow-up. A lot of the consequences you mention for pulling out seem like maybe they never would have been there if we hadn’t gone in. How do you square all of that?”

BUSH: “I square it because imagine a world in which you had a Saddam Hussein who had the capacity to make a weapon of mass destruction, who was paying suiciders to kill innocent life, who would — who had relations with Zarqawi. Imagine what the world would be like with him in power. The idea is to try to help change the Middle East.

“Now, look, I — part of the reason we went into Iraq: was — the main reason we went into Iraq: at the time was we thought he had weapons of mass destruction. It turns out he didn’t, but he had the capacity to make weapons of mass destruction.

“But I also talked about the human suffering in Iraq, and I also talked the need to advance a freedom agenda. And so my question — my answer to your question is, is that imagine a world in which Saddam Hussein was there, stirring up even more trouble in a part of a world that had so much resentment and so much hatred that people came and killed 3,000 of our citizens.

“You know, I’ve heard this theory about, you know, everything was just fine until we arrived and, you know, kind of — the “stir up the hornet’s nest” theory. It just doesn’t hold water as far as I’m concerned. The terrorists attacked us and killed 3,000 of our citizens before we started the freedom agenda in the Middle East. They were — “

QUESTION: “What did Iraq: have to do with that?”

BUSH: “What did Iraq: have to do with what?”

QUESTION: “The attack on the World Trade Center.”

BUSH: “Nothing, except for it’s part of — and nobody’s ever suggested in this administration that Saddam Hussein ordered the attack. Iraq: was a — Iraq: — the lesson of September the 11th is take threats before they fully materialize, Ken.

“Nobody’s ever suggested that the attacks of September the 11th were ordered by Iraq. I have suggested, however, that resentment and the lack of hope create the breeding grounds for terrorists who are willing to use suiciders to kill to achieve an objective. I have made that case. And one way to defeat that — you know, defeat resentment, is with hope. And the best way to do hope is through a form of government.

“Now, I said going into Iraq: we got to take these threats seriously before they fully materialized. I saw a threat. I fully believe it was the right decision to remove Saddam Hussein, and I fully believe the world was better off without him. Now, the question is, how do we succeed in Iraq? And you don’t succeed by leaving before the mission is complete, like some in this political process are suggesting.”


Sorry to be so bitchy today, but this stuff really gets to me… I invite you to tell me all about how you might have experienced sheepishness or when your rehabilitation from sheepdom happened.

China: Country of Rampant Cruelty

Reading time: 3 – 4 minutes

There are plenty of things wrong with the United States and every other country in the world, but I don’t know of any other country that is so ignorant and violent and alarmist and controlling and deadly than that of China, though all of Asia in general is pretty much guilty of this, as well. Once again, they are in the news with their reactionary, idiotic violence as a means to control a population, and propagate Fear.


Apparently, yet another government-imposed fear over (so-called) Rabies has driven the Chinese government to kill every, single dog within the County of Mouding over a 5 day period by beating them to death, even taking them from owners as they walked their dogs and beating them to death on the spot in front of them. The residents were offered the equivalent of 60-something cents if the family would kill their own dog before authorities arrived. For those who tried to save their dogs, the authorities would sneak into the town in ways that would cause dogs to bark as an alert, and then that dog would be killed. Of course, the POLICE and MILITARY dogs were spared.

This isn’t the first time there has been a massive slaughter of dogs in China… in preparation for the Olympics being held in Beijing in 2008, over 40,000 dogs were killed as the fantastical rabies scare was strategically imposed by the government as a front for monstrous Mao Tse Tung’s declaration that the ownership of a dog is a symbol of “bourgeoisie,” since caring for a dog reeks of American freedoms. As usual, as with almost every other mythical virus or disease scare, it is almost always a front for a completely unrelated agenda.

This, from the same country who brought us the stupid, mythical SARS scare, and ridiculous Avian Flu “epidemic,” with subsequent “culling” of Cats and Birds in the most horrific, cruel ways (suffocation, drowning, beating, starving, stabbing, crushing, etc.)

This also, from a country who imprisons THOUSANDS of Human Beings because it is against the law to practice their chosen spirituality (Falun Gong) and then using these prisoners as enslaved workers, and HARVESTING THEIR ORGANS WHILE THEY ARE STILL ALIVE to be used for the wealthy who can pay for it! In fact, if you took part in the traveling exhibition called BODIES, where the bodies were mummified in a way that preserved all of the organs for entertainment and observation, you took part in their making a profit from using innocent people WHO WERE KILLED ONLY for use in those exhibits!

There are links, above, for help in what we can do for the Humans being exploited in China, and here is a great site for helping Asia, in general, extend their circle of compassion to include non-human animals.

I have to take heart in the fact that the world IS getting better at experiencing compassion for other humans and non-humans, but we also have a long way to go.