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I have been DYING to write in my blog for all kinds of reasons related to life and what is happening, but I have been holding off, intentionally, so as to kind of start of my new year on my actual BIRTHDAY!
Yup, today is my birthday! 39 Years Old. Amazing. Fascinating. Bizarre.
One of the strangest things to watch in this world is the aging of a person. The stigma against growing old is so insidious, so permeating, that even when you feel great about growing old, you are considered at least a little bit in denial at best, and just flat-out lying or crazy at worst. Well, I am one of those crazy people in denial, I guess, because I have loved growing older.
Sure, it is baffling to look in the mirror and see the subtle and not-so-subtle changes of time and space writing the stories of experience into your face (and chest, and belly, and legs, and….) but it’s beautiful. It is beautiful.
My body is my story… is part of my story, at least. Yes, it’s a bit scribbley and wadded up in places, but there are notes saved here that have saved my life.
If my emotions and spirit and mind were able to be seen as clearly by others, they would also show scars, wrinkles, depths and exhaustion; those other “bodies” would reflect my compassion, my wisdom, my evolution. In the same way that it is baffling to look into the mirror at your body, it can be as baffling to look into the mirror of a relationship and find the strangeness of aging there, too. It’s all just a part of our story. And everyone has a story that is eventually written across the skin, the mind, the emotions, and the soul.
However little we appreciate this, I trust that there are levels within us that truly grasp the truth of this beauty that transcends the local and current societal pressures and taboos. All Flowers In Time Bend Toward The Sun… there must be SOME shared level of consciousness among all of us that knows and feels the truth and beauty of the process of life. It’s there… I see it hidden beneath the pressures and pain of others hiding from age. It’s there…
The secrets of youthfulness are not found in Anti-aging assaults against the self and a dread against aging. Ironically, the fastest ways to look and feel old is through those very things. Can you imagine the impact upon the body, mind, heart, and soul from the resentment and resistance against seeing the effects of our amazing stories? This is a weight that I choose not to carry.
When the day comes that I die, my load will be light, and I hope my story was something someone found worth weaving into the story of his or her own skin, as well.
As part of my birthday gift to myself, I have decided to clarify my intent in writing in my blog from now, on. Rather than treat this only as a journal for collecting experiences, commentary, and rants, I am turning this into a place to explore the “Higher Side of CocteauBoy.” When I look back through my blog in the years to come, I’d love to see the insights, solutions, and inspiration that I was able to pull forth from me, rather than just the daily-ness of existence.
I’m also looking to make this more interactive, with questions posed to readers. I’m really interested in feedback and personal experiences related to what I may write.
So, for starters, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR GROWING OLDER? Do you see the beauty in this, or just the closing in of death? Do you find the youthfulness in your flow and embrace of life, or do you find apathy, resentment, and boredom within the conclusion of aging? When you answer, include your age, too!