Homesick in a Place I Can Call Home

Reading time: 2 – 3 minutes

I’ve only been here three days, but homesickness just hit.

I had a slight panic yesterday that was exactly what I had anticipated would happen. It was just this realization that I AM ON ANOTHER CONTINENT! It’s this claustrophobic feeling of not being able to just get on the subway to reach a friend, or just to make a simple phone call, or take a road trip to family. Everyone is SO FAR AWAY!

It’s alright, though. It’s pretty normal, as far as I’m concerned. And I am glad I anticipated it, because that allowed me to treat myself more gently and kindly, rather than freak out with shock and reaction.

Yesterday, I wandered around “downtown” Amsterdam and was really surprised at how emotional I got. Some parts were so touristy that it was not really much different from being in an irritating part of Manhattan, where I love it and hate it at the same time, but then I would turn down a narrow street of crooked, gorgeous buildings and feel such a sense of remembering. Not since I found New York City did I ever feel the kind of “oh my god, I’m home” feeling until now.

I absolutely know that reincarnation exists. I’ve had enough experience with this subject to prove its validity to me, even if I don’t really know how it REALLY works; I do know there is enough evidence to at least convince me that the concept is legitimate, even if some of the testimonies and research isn’t. There are reasons I say I know reincarnation is valid, but I will go into those another time. For now, I just wanted to mention it because the “remembering feeling” I have in being here in Amsterdam is pretty powerful.

When I turned down a few of those streets, I felt home.

I felt like I was collecting parts of myself left here from ages ago. I’ve had that feeling of remembering with several people in my life (including Jip), but only once for a PLACE. I had a brief experience of this in Tucson, AZ (but I think it was associated with the person there, not the place), but New York City wins, hands down, for being a PLACE I love as much as I would love a person. It looks like I may be adding Amsterdam to that tiny list!

More observations, later! And Pix!!

VLOG: Out My Window & The Euro

Reading time: 2 – 2 minutes

From where I am staying with my bf, the sounds of children playing dance through the air to bring a lot of spirit, the chirping of birds makes it feel like there is no way to have a bad day, and the smell of flowers forces you to close your eyes for a moment and simply be present. My experience is of such a peace, so far, and I wanted to share that with you as best I can.

This first video is a view from the window. I could have done this better from the balcony, but I happened to be looking out the window and spontaneously recorded what I was seeing.

In this video, I introduce you to the Euro from my inexperienced American angle. I don’t MEAN to be such a dumbass, but I am pretty new at being the foreigner, so everything makes me giddy and things that are taken for granted by locals seem exciting and inspiring to me!

Introducing: ONE MINUTE WANDERS (the vlog)

Reading time: 2 – 2 minutes

I’ve decided to document my adventures in Amsterdam through Vlogging (video blogging), so you will now find these videos occasionally! Since my memory card is so small in my camera, I can only create one minute videos (approx), so I decided during this video to create “One Minute Wonders” for my blog! But then, I liked the idea of One-Minute WANDERS better, hence the creation of this collection of videos! YAY!

For those receiving this feed in email or through a feedreader, the videos may not come through, so just use the convenient links provided.

In this video, I have just arrived, feel very tired, sick, have a massive headache, which you can tell by the way I am talking so tightly, trying to minimize the effect on my head.

In this video, I am LOOKING even worse, but I was feeling better…

The Heart That Flies Never Dies

Reading time: 3 – 4 minutes

Well, here I go…

Part of me is in absolute disbelief and shock, while another part of me is happier than ever! I can’t believe I decided to make this huge change and then… DID IT! I don’t know why I would even be shocked; I always do this.

Follow your hearts, everyone. Keep your wits about you, but follow your heart. It’s the most aligned part of you that you have with the universe. It may lead you into confusing and terrifying places, but that’s your head trying to make sense of something that really has no logic. There is always meaning and beauty to be found in the places your heart lead you, even if your mind tries to trick you into thinking you’ve made a “mistake.”

There is no such thing.

If I had used logic as my navigation through this, I would find evidence of far more reasons NOT to go than to go; not that the evidence would even be accurate, just easier to find because when you focus on what makes sense, what is tangible, it will always be evidence of where you’ve come from, not about where you are going. What’s around you is what you’ve created already, so if I had no concept of my moving to another country, that’s what I would find… no evidence to support how that could possibly be true.

The intangible future of my creation comes from my desires, my heart, the perceptions that bypass logic and proof, moving into a rare place of creative effort, playful trust, and honest choice.

Yes, I may crash and burn on the plane; I may find this doesn’t work in the way I may ultimately imagine; I may be immediately rejected; I may fall flat on my face… but from even those potential experiences, it is up to me as to how I deal with it, and I will NEVER regret following my heart. I never have.

So, there are no guarantees. There is only CHOICE. And I chose this. I created it. I own the responsibilities involved, and I will make new choices as my experiences unfold.

Okay then… here I go…

This is my last blog entry from inside the United States… for a while!

See you on the other side with a whole new adventure and entries about my impressions of Amsterdam, Europe, and my life’s potential there.


PS. Please see previous blog entries for ways to keep in contact with me directly and please consider a donation to help keep me from starving. I’m taking big risks, but it’s also an investment toward more love and adventure on the planet! YAY!


Reading time: 4 – 6 minutes


The Amsterdam Fund Project
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