Reading time: 2 – 2 minutes

So I tried to be funny today for Jip and succeeded, but when he requested I do the same thing again for him so he could film it, the entire thing went awry. Watch closely as I try to play like the wind is so strong it is blowing me away… except… it really does and I lose my balance and you can see I am almost completely horizontal, heading face-down, as I fly out of range of the camera! Of course, the next shot is of Jip closing in on me as I lie on my back after sliding on my face, shoulders, and hands… bleeding all over.

This is what happens when I almost die and then start recovering to a point where I think I can do anything again… but, uh, I can’t, yet. I’m not strong or stable, yet, so I don’t know what I was thinking.



Reading time: 3 – 4 minutes

Originally uploaded by PHOTOMO

Yesterday was a wonderful day of being out and about with Jip and Ankie, his mother! Although I move about like a little, old man and I lose my breath regularly, at least I am moving and functional in the world again! YAY!

We went to Amsterdam’s China Town to try to find some herbs and oils that are good for the immune system. We then went to lunch and sat outside under the awning during a downpour that changed quickly to sunshine and breeze again. I love that about Amsterdam weather.

We then walked through DAM SQUARE, which is a huge tourist convergence similar to my New York’s TIMES SQUARE. Below is a video of Jip and Ankie saying hi (particularly to NICK!) and a nice spin around DAM SQUARE to share with all my pals!

Eventually, we made it to THE AMERICAN BOOK CENTER where I looked in vain for something to read. I just couldn’t find anything and by this time, I was getting exhausted and even almost passed out.


I bought a Writing Magazine to keep me inspired, but my time was running out so Jip and Ankie made sure I got back to Centraal Station so I could get the subway home, alone. They went on to see Jip’s brother perform in a band, but I just couldn’t go.


So here’s the little video of Dam Square with Jip, Ankie, and me!


Reading time: 3 – 5 minutes

Back Into The World
Originally uploaded by CocteauBoy


Yesterday was my first steps back into the outside world after months of being limited to a bed, a room, or an apartment. At first I was very nervous and scared about not being able to keep up my strength or keep my breathing steady, but then as the day wore on, I started getting really excited about going outside. Not only to go outside, but to go DO something! So I convinced Jip that I was well-enough to go grocery shopping!

I walked with him all the way there before needing a tiny break, and then went right on into the store and proceeded to shop like a kid in a candy store! In regaining my health and strength, I am also regaining a large appetite, so being in the store while I was hungry brought out all kinds of cravings I’ve been having, but couldn’t do anything about because I either couldn’t describe what I wanted, or Jip had no clue what I was describing. For instance, I have been craving “hash browns” for a lonnnng time. Here in The Netherlands, no one even knows what that is. I kept trying to describe them as shredded potatoes, sometimes pressed into shapes, or sometimes just cooked loosely until crispy. No clue. Well, as soon as I looked into the frozen potatoes section, there were PLENTY of “hash brown” options! When I showed them to Jip, he insisted that the shredded potatoes were just “french fries” and couldn’t comprehend what the difference is. Believe me, there is a HUGE difference between French Fries, crispy Hash Browns, and even shredded potatoes that you can fry up. BIG difference. I am a potato fan, so I should know, and now I have my craving fulfulled… that’s all that matters.



FRENCH FRIES (very different)

Needless to say, my first outing was a success, and I am so happy to be functioning better and better! Here’s a little tiny video of my first steps out the door of the apartment and out into the world again…

vlog: Recovery Update

Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes

CocteauBoy LIVES!

There is still not much to report as I just spend my days patiently recovering much slower than I expected. I did some research today on my pneumonia to read about recovery times and it seems it’s to be expected to be weeks, if not months, before living normal again. And I have to be careful because, apparently, there can be an easy relapse back into the pneumonia after two or three months of recovery! This scares the hell out of me.

But I have to focus only on recovery and getting back into my life. Everything seems as elusive to me as the ground outside of a building where I haven’t been able to walk for a couple of months now. I can get around the apartment quite easily now (relatively speaking) and without losing too much breath, but it’s still very difficult.

I made a video today on one of my better days after I took my shower and was feeling perky. I also took some pictures of me today to update my profiles since I look so different now.

Strange New/Familiar Face

I miss everyone SO MUCH, but I am SO HAPPY and LUCKY to report that my Love is taking amazing care of me and keeping me from even feeling a tiny bit lost and homesick! I feel safe and at home in his care and I can’t wait to be free enough to just go bounce and play about with him like we deserve to be with each other. I love him so much. I really have no idea what I would have done without him.

Enjoy the Vlog!


Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes

Boy, it feels great to be back home, again! My first night was really disturbing and exciting at the same time, because I had been feeling so good when I left the hospital, but upon settling in for the night, I found it much more difficult to breathe, walk, and pains started growing in places I hadn’t noticed before I got home. Apparently, it’s quite normal to have a first couple of nights of a sharp drop in strength upon returning home from a controlled environment. Knowing this really helped me to endure.

Other things that add to the shock is just the change of ease from living in one hospital room vs living in an apartment. For instance, as part of the design of our apartment, I have to go down a tight spiral stairs to get to the bathroom, so when completely weak and out of breath, this was a very daunting journey.

Of course, the best part of ALL of this is that my health is returning (slowwwly, but surely) and that I am home with my boyfriend where we can finally collapse into the reality that we are not going to lose each other anymore over this. Those were some painful and terrifying days for both of us and now we just get to experience the relief and the patience for my recovery. I am really lucky to have him in my life. I hate being dependent and completely reliant on someone for the simplest things, so this is a real challenge for me. It’s also a challenge for him since he’s never had to have someone so dependent on him. Somehow, despite some minor grouchiness at times from both of our parts over this challenging adjustment, we both know what is important in the end and we have to trust and love and endure… and we do. Because we really do love each other beyond all of this.

So here’s a little vlog to show you my skinny lil body and that I am walking and talking and being as normal as I can be within a few days of having been in a coma and almost dying! Yeesh, as much as I wish to be better NOW, it is still amazing to me that I am in this good of condition after such a shock of last weekend. Wow.

We can be amazing creatures.