Failing myself is already an awful feeling, but failing other people on top of that is debilitating to me. Remembering to ask yourself “what is the truth” while in the midst of your Feelings, is vital. And never giving up on yourself… is even more important.

A rather fitting song to accompany this vlog can be found here:

FAILURE – Kings of Convenience

LYRICS
Using The Guardian as a shield, 
to cover my thighs against the rain, 
I do not mind about my hair.

Your jacket may be waterproof, 
but know in the moment you get home,
you’re gonna get your trousers changed.

Failure is always the best way to learn, 
retracing your steps untill you know,
have no fear your wounds will heal.

I wish I could travel overground
to where all you hear is water sounds,
lush as the wind upon a tree.

I wish I could travel overground
to where all you hear is water sounds,
to capture and keep inside of me.

Failure is always the best way to learn, 
retracing your steps untill you know,
have no fear your wounds will heal.

It’s Friday, the 13th! Do you have any superstitions? Wait til you hear my ridiculous ones. Like “Bread & Butter.” Do you know that one?

Also, do you remind anyone of any characters in any television shows? I tend to get compared to SitCom characters. But maybe that’s because I tend to see life as more of a comedy, than a tragedy, despite how dramatic my life can seem to be…

Today I get repairs done to my sporadic Internet services, and an upgrade to 50mbps internet speeds! YAY!
And have you given up TV entirely, or at least, given up Cable TV to rely entirely on Streaming Internet?
Have you experienced the joys of French Press Coffee over a regular Coffee Maker?
And are you sick of the word “Absolutely” being used in every free breath of a talk show interview, and the mispronunciation of “Jewelry?”
Yes, I vent a little about it.

A Big Ol' Vlog about my recent Steroid High, the subsequent Big Crash, my Creative Stupor, Catching Up On Work, The Rug Being Pulled Out From Under Me, and Mother's Day!

I’M BACK!!

It’s been over a year since doing anything creative and expressive, such as writing, blogging, vlogging, and I realize now, it’s nearly killed me…

Tonight, Nick and I are celebrating our Birthdays together for the first time in a long time. His birthday is the 29th; mine on the 20th.

We are having an informal gathering at the infamous Trailer Park in Chelsea. As part of the birthday celebration, and in conjunction with our lovely embrace of social networking and technology, we will be posting tweets, 12seconds, etc with the “hashtag” #hbtn (for happy birthday troy nick) Below is the live feed from tonight’s events, if you feel like joining us in spirit, remotely! If you want your tweet to show up in this thread, just include #hbtn and it will feed directly here, LIVE!

More to come…

I’ve been looking for a way to begin my 2010 entries, and I can’t think of a better way than to launch with this incredible, unseen footage of Flight 1549 that landed in our Hudson River last year. I remember how inspiring, and touched all of us were when this happened, especially in conjunction with Obama taking office. Everything at the beginning of last year just reeked of hope and anticipation and inspiration. All of that energy took me by surprise last year because, well, who could have anticipated the survival of every person aboard a crash-landing in an icy river off the banks of New York City, and although I was supportive of Obama by default, I was never one of his fanboys. But I had to admit to the impact of such excitement over the possibilities for America, the psychological possibilities for our evolution, and then this beautiful landing of 1549… it just sparked a great sense that things were just… “right.”

And then the nasty Right-Wing, Republican, Christian, Nasty Nutjobber Whackadoodles came out of the woodwork and spent the entire year doing everything they could to destroy all possibility and inspiration for anyone and everyone not in alignment with their vile sliver of ideals. Like a lanced wound leaking of pus from ages of neglect, they came forth from the festering Bush years and only from this slightest pin-prick injection of hope and inspiration that so many felt for all of us for the first time in a long time.

I know there are all kinds of things we could pick as the challenge against inspiration in 2009, and that there were also many personal events that happened over 2009 that contributed to our losing our footing with our inspiration, but I’m using the Nutjobs as the symbolic representation for all of that, because that’s what I found to be the biggest pain in the ass for the U.S., at least. You can pick whatever you want. But the point is… that’s how change happens. That’s how inspiration works. That’s exactly the path any true transformation takes once we’ve found our footing… SOMETHING comes along and challenges it.

It’s bound to happen because now we have a glaring contrast between the old and new. It’s not that it wasn’t there the whole time. It’s just… now it’s surfaced in a way that can’t be ignored.

So I think this footage below is one of the more important symbolic visuals for starting off 2010. It’s a reminder that our inspiration is still intact; that we can resurrect it, rescue it, pull it up and out of the icy depths of 2009 and give new life to it. Even if it means disassembling it and spreading it out.

I have more to say about the possibilities of 2010 for myself, and for all of us, but I’ll save that for another entry. For now, mesmerize yourself with the film below, and let it stand as a symbolic meditation on bringing your own inspiration back to the surface, back to solid ground, and at least give it the nurturing it might need to do what it can do.

Happy 2010, everyone… I’m back.

Hey gang!

This week I worked really hard to rise above my experience of frustration, pain, and sadness involving friends I feel were being… well, less than friends. I got to a point where I almost quit, gave up, and walked away from all of it, but there was a moment when I realized I had a choice. So I experimented… and chose Love over Fear (protection), and I’m happy I did.

I almost forgot to post this to my blog! I will be posting a new one every week! Woo Hoo!

YAY!! I'm Baaaaack!!

I'm Baaackk!!! It's been a long time! So why don't I make vlogs more often? Watch the vlog and see if you feel the same way about your reality...