Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes

I haven’t recalled a dream very clearly in a long time, which is very odd for me. I usually have very bizarre, detailed, intense dreams that can become epic, lasting over several nights of sleep. I love it!

Lately, however, I have not recalled much at all.

Last night, the clarity and recall returned. I always post my dreams in my journal for future reference because the insights gained from watching your dream patterns can be profound and even prophetic.


I dreamt I was in a “duplex”. Not the two-story version of a duplex, but the kind that refers to a two homes, separate, but completely connected. I was in one side with Cyprus and some other people, I am not sure. I do know that Taren was with me.

At some point I realized that Taren had wandered off and had entered the other home/apartment that was part of the duplex. I knew that the previous tenants had only recently moved, and when I entered into the apartment where Taren already was, I was very uneasy about being in there.

Taren was rummaging through all of the stuff that the tenants had left behind, unconcerned about whether we should be in there, or not. Though the apartment was bleak, dirty, messy, and poorly lit, she expressed how much she would love to move into it so she could live next door. For some reason, I knew this was not an easy option, so I expressed support that we would have to check out how she could go about doing it.

Suddenly, through the window, I could see that the manager of the grounds for the duplexes was coming toward us. Taren had turned on some lights, so it was obvious we were in there. I thought fast and told Taren to just play along. She went to a rickety kitchen table and sat as I answered the door when the manager knocked. He knew I was from the other part of the duplex and asked how I was settling in. He asked if Cyprus was around so he could finalize the lease with us. Then he asked Taren if she was ready to sign HER lease!

I have no idea how I thought this would fly, but I guess I assumed that the manager was just making rounds to finalize leases for all new move-ins (I remembered that he was coming to see us in our own apartment), and that he MIGHT just assume Taren was a new move-in! He sat down with her, went over the lease, she signed it, and they shook hands! She was so happy!! I couldn’t believe what had just happened, but I was so happy for her and happy that she would be our neighbor.

Any interpretations?


Reading time: 1 – 2 minutes

After a weekend of tears, kindness, understanding, and patience, Nick has now decided that staying with me is the right choice. He proposed this to me today. No matter what would happen, I had decided I would never have hard feelings about a break up, and that I would make the best in whatever position I created or found myself. It never crossed my mind that Nick would ever dump me, and it didn’t cross my mind that he would have such a swift realization as to what he truly wanted since the breakup. Now I am in a weird state of mind and heart. Do just let myself be whipped around by Nick’s indecision and confusion? Do I just admit that I do understand his position and just relax back into the relationship with a continued passion? On the one hand, I am in love with Nick and can easily accept a life with him indefinitely. On the other hand, considering his inability to accept the reality of responsibility to nurture an indefinite commitment, I might need to be more focused on my career and casual dating?

I don’t know… I do know that my relationship with Nick would never “end” or “die”, but it would always find a means to grow to accommodate our growth as friends first.

Any advice or comments? Use the link below!


Reading time: 3 – 4 minutes

Since my and Nick’s Birthdays are so close together (20th & 29th), we not only celebrate them separately, but we gather a gang and celebrate together.

This past Saturday we went to one of our top favorite restaurants in Manhattan, CARAVAN OF DREAMS: An amazing, vegan, totally organic heaven of foods. They have an extensive Raw (aka “Live”) menu (meaning that the foods are either literally uncooked, or they have not been cooked above a certain, low temperature) that is incredibly delicious enough to convince me that I can move beyond my Veganism some day! For now, I will just settle with being Vegan. I’m at about 90% dairy-free! YAY! It’s not been difficult at all. I used to read Tarot Cards at Caravan of Dreams a long time ago, so it has a special little place in my heart…

After our wonderful dinner, which was given to Nick and me from Thzaira (Thanks, Thzaira!!), we went to THE SLIPPER ROOM in the Lower East Side for a raunchy, playful, overcrowded burlesque show! An asian girl go-go danced for about 30 minutes while the room continued to fill up, and she was so boring. It was like watching a 9-year old boy caught in a spider’s web.

Finally, a giant, blue, high-heeled-glass-slippered, glittery, camouflaged, homo bunny took over the room as MC. He was hilarious. At one point some girl was pushing and shoving and screaming out, “hey, mister bunny!” She got on my nerves so much that I “corrected” her and told her it wasn’t a bunny, but “the tick” (from the cartoon series) So she started yelling out, “Hey, TICK!!” The homo bunny whipped his head around and put his hand on his hip and laid into her!! He lisped out, “Listen, you waspy bitch! I am a homosexual and I don’t have no problem hittin’ a girl! Take your New Jersey Bridal Party and go to the back of the room!!” HA HA HA!!! Of course, he was trying to be caustic and funny, but she did shut up and stop pushing. Hee hee…

Cyprus and Taren were finally able to get seats, and so did Nick and I, but Josh, Jennifer and Jeannie were stuck in the crowd, so they left fairly quickly. After the first set of strippers, which were really hilarious skits and just plain fun, Nick started getting whiny and wanting to leave, so I obligated myself to escort him out and home. I was actually glad to be home fairly early, but I was really enjoying the show.

Cyprus and Taren stayed and I hear the second part of the show was over-the-top hilarity. At one point, Taren had smacked the homo bunny’s ass, so he grabbed her by the hair, dragged her onto the stage, whipped her around, pulled her pants down, and started spanking her bare ass in front of the entire venue!! HA HA HA!!

We will be going back, more than likely, for our Valentine’s Night Out together!

Ahhhh… New York. I love our home…



Reading time: 3 – 5 minutes

Well, today is my birthday. I am 36. I have now reached an oddly symbolic age since this is the end of a second set of 18 years. I remember not being able to wait until I was 18 years old; now I have lived that age twice!

The nice thing about getting older for me is that I actually LIKE getting older. I am fascinated by it. The world’s changes, my body’s changes, my emotional experiences, my perspectives,… it is fascinating to me to see the patterns of Time.

I have never really feared getting older or even dying. To me, these are two things that are as natural as gravity and green. The only time I have ever had any strange feelings about getting older/dying was just recently, and only briefly. It was after accidentally stumbling across a web cam for Time’s Square here in NYC. I launched the cam and watched the streets. It was around 5am so the streets were fairly quiet, but they were also amazingly alive. I saw the buses pulling through the intersection, sporadic images of people walking down the street, the lights from the giant signs all blazing in the dark grey winter light of such earliness. I don’t know why this is so beautiful to me, but it is. (Oh, the irony of being in awe of the patterns of Time, while being so moved by the patterns of Time’s Square!)

And that’s when I felt it…

For the first time in my entire life I had a feeling similar to claustrophobia sweep over me and I thought: “I am really going to miss this.” I felt jealousy and panic and claustrophobia and a deep, deep, grief. It wasn’t about dying or getting older, but more about feeling this rich and powerful Love for this life and NYC and Earth and the beauty of animals and insects and plants and people. I just thought how perfectly and profoundly fantastic it all is.

I have always felt like an alien in this life, not so much because I am inherently different from a lot of people, but because I have never been able to take this planet for granted. Whether I am in Nature or in Time’s Square, I marvel at it all and I can’t help but think, “What a fucking great idea this was!!” I mean, seriously, if some “higher power” did conceive this, It was brilliant. And if this is all some cosmic accident?? All the more reason for me to be in awe!

Yeah, I know there is pain and suffering, but if you actually look at everything as a whole, pain and suffering are proportionally a very small part of the picture. And then at least half of all of that pain and suffering isn’t because of something “real”, but because of the way we choose to interpret events. 99% of the time, the world we experience can change into something more awesome and beautiful with just a slight change in attitude/perception/interpretation.

Anyway, so I had that slightly suffocating feeling of realizing one day I would not be here, at least in this body in this form I call “troy”, seeing the world in my own unique way. I will miss “me”, too, I am sure. I know it sounds slightly morbid to be talking about these things in this way, but that kind of thinking is another of the things that makes me, “me”, and it helps me to appreciate every single day.

They say that one of the last “lessons” of a Soul is to “learn to love the schoolroom”, which means loving this world and your life in it. I absolutely love this place.

I hope it isn’t my last lesson here.

(more details later about my surprise tiny love birthday party from Nick and Cyprus! what sweetnesses…)

TIME’S SQUARE CAM Choose CAM 1 for the most fun….

The Ponderings and Wanderings of a Metaphysical ManBoy, Gaymer, Writer, and Channel for The Michael Entity